3am on your 26th birthday, and wide awake.
That’s where I’m finding myself today.
Overflowing with gratitude, and it’s keeping me awake. Not the typical sleeping problem… but one that I’m okay with.
I’ve been given more than I deserve. I’ve been blessed with opportunities and relationships that blow my mind.
At 18, depressed and feeling hopeless, I often thought I wouldn’t live to see 21. I don’t know why I had these thoughts, I was just expecting that if things continued as they were, I wouldn’t want to be around much longer.
Luckily, those negative thoughts and feelings are the only thing that died.
On the other side of depression is freedom. If you’ve ever hit the point where you’re not sure about tomorrow, you find out that the day after tomorrow is a gift. And so is the day after that. And so on.
Everything becomes extra. Living in this “surplus mentality” affects your expectations.
You might think it means I don’t have to accomplish much to be happy. But the opposite is true.
I’ve been given a gift, and I am going to multiply it.
I know that I didn’t deserve to be given this gift, so I don’t take it lightly. I am satisfied, but I am not relaxed. Instead, I am energized by the mission of multiplying this gift of life.
When you’re energized by a mission, and grateful for the vision of the next 26 years, you apparently wake up at 3am every once in a while.
Getting startled out of sleep by gratitude is not what I had in mind for my 26th birthday, but I’ll take it.
To all the brilliant people who have stepped into my life to inspire, encourage, share wisdom, show love, etc., thank you.
[ written on 12/21/19 ]